The other day on one of my coupon blogs there was a post about a company that was giving away a free copy of The Busy Mom's Bible to the first 5,000 registrants. Well, that offer is not open to Florida residents.
Tuesday night, after a particularly unpleasant dealing with a cashier who didn't know how to do her job, I found The Busy Mom's Bible at Walmart for $17. It isn't free but I guess I was supposed to have it.
It works out really well because I have been looking for a Bible to take with me to church since my other Bible is a big study bible. The new Bible is so cute. It is pink which is perfect for me and I can see the print to read it. I am really excited about it. Can you tell?
Thursday, February 25, 2010
Wednesday, February 24, 2010
10 Places I Have Been Meaning to Visit (a day late)
I was so crazy busy at work yesterday that I didn’t get a chance to post my 10 on Tuesday. I wasn’t going to post anything else today in honor of Princess Ivi’s birthday but I am going to program this to post late tonight.
Anyway here is my list of 10 Places I Have Been Meaning to Visit (in no particular order):
1. Ireland
2. Scotland
3. Venice
4. England
5. Quebec, Canada
6. Finland
7. California
8. Africa
9. Spain
10. France
I could go on and on. I want to go everywhere but am limited by funds. I am also limited on travel to some destinations particularly those that require anti-malaria drugs before travel because it is contraindicated in people with psoriasis. (The same with small pox and the small pox vaccine.) Some day I will get to all of my places on my list and hopefully, Princess Ivi and I will be together on those visits and will make great memories.
Anyway here is my list of 10 Places I Have Been Meaning to Visit (in no particular order):
1. Ireland
2. Scotland
3. Venice
4. England
5. Quebec, Canada
6. Finland
7. California
8. Africa
9. Spain
10. France
I could go on and on. I want to go everywhere but am limited by funds. I am also limited on travel to some destinations particularly those that require anti-malaria drugs before travel because it is contraindicated in people with psoriasis. (The same with small pox and the small pox vaccine.) Some day I will get to all of my places on my list and hopefully, Princess Ivi and I will be together on those visits and will make great memories.
I love my kid!!!
Happy Birthday Band-Aid!!!
It is so hard to believe that fourteen years have gone by since the day you came into my life and fulfilled my destiny to be your mom. I feel so blessed to be your mom.
You are amazing, beautiful, talented, loving, caring, creative, smart, funny, compassionate, brave, courageous, artistic, wonderful, kind, determined, unique, blessed, strong.
I hope you never forget how much I love you.
I will always be your best and loudest cheerleader. I will always be striving to better your life. I will always be a listening ear and a pair of arms to hug you. I will always try to heal your hurts whether they are big or small. I will always champion your causes and I will always believe in you.
I love you honey!!
Happy 14th birthday
my sweet, sweet girl!!!!
Monday, February 22, 2010
Crying, Cooking and Cleaning
This weekend was filled with tears, money-saving shopping, yummy food, dust and mad-woman cleaning.
Let's start off with the tears...Princess Ivi and I had more heartfelt conversations and I think we both will work much harder to not take each other for granted. Nuff said 'bout that.
The money-saving shopping trip was great. Princess Ivi and I started at CVS where we saved $17.04 ($2 of which was because I bought Organix shampoo on sale for $4.99 and used a $2 coupon that came with my rebate that I got many moons ago) and earned $5 in Extra Care Bucks. Then we went over to Kmart and each of us got a new pillow (which were buy one, get one half off) and Princess Ivi got a new set of sheets that were $14.99 but we used the 25% off coupon that was in the sale flyer. We saved a total of $8.75. Then we went to Walmart and bought a replacement Ipod for Princess Ivi's birthday (to replace the Christmas Ipod since we learned that Ipods cannot swim in the toilet). We did not save any money at Walmart. Our last stop of the day was to Winn Dixie where we saved $85.07 (using $3.60 in coupons and the remainder in discounts). The total amount saved for the entire shopping trip was $110.87.
After we got home, Princess Ivi put her OCD to work and organized the freezer while I broke up the big packages of meat into smaller portions. Before putting everything back in the freezer, I made a list of what was in it for our meal planning. We have so much food in the freezer that we will have to "shop" from our freezer for at least three weeks. Yeah!!!!
Yummy food consisted of Butter Chicken on Saturday. All I can say about this is OMG!!! It was a big hit with mom and Princess Ivi too. (I love it when the reaction to my cooking is moans and groans and exclamations of "this is yummy".)
The Butter Chicken is great. The chicken was tender from cooking in the sauce (but next time I am going to flatten them a little), the sauce was creamy with a bit of a kick from the cayenne. Unfortunately, I didn't have any coriander or cilantro and I didn't marinate the chicken overnight. But it was still really yummy. When I put the marinade on, I just poked a bunch of holes in the chicken and smeared it all over each piece of chicken. I will definitely be making this again (and I will marinate the night before and I may even round up some coriander and cilantro).
Sunday morning Princess Ivi and I both woke up not feeling well. I had a headache and Princess Ivi had a sore mouth (actually half of her face) from a molar popping out. We skipped church. (Shame on us!!) After catching a little bit more sleep, I baked a Red Velvet Cake for Princess Ivi's birthday (although in the Better Homes and Gardens Cookbook it is called a "Red Waldorf Cake"). I had to use that recipe because I couldn't find the one I used last time I made it (which I think was for Princess Ivi's birthday). I need to hunt some more for the original recipe I made because it was much better than the BHG version.
While the cake cooled, I reorganized my room. Living with my mom makes it hard because I have about three rooms' worth of stuff shoved into one guest-size bedroom. I had to try to make it less cluttered and I think it worked. I still need to find (or make) a tall skinny bookcase and get get rid of the chair but I am pleased with it. While i was rearranging, I was also dusting which made a huge difference.
Princess Ivi went through her clothes and bagged up clothes that don't fit her anymore for donating.
For Sunday dinner and Princess Ivi's birthday dinner, I sauteed some onions, peppers (red, orange and yellow), garlic and shrimp in butter. I tossed the whole thing with a box of spaghetti and tossed in two handfuls of shredded Parmesan cheese. It was good. We all ate too much. Then we ate big slices of Tim Burton-ny birthday cake (red velvet cake with purple neon frosting and squiggly neon candles). It was nice.
Princess Ivi's 14th birthday is not until Wednesday but since it is the middle of the week, we decided to have her special dinner and cake last night. We will recognize her birthday on Wednesday and celebrate more on Saturday when we go to Tampa to see Breaking Benjamin, Flyleaf and Three Days Grace.
As for knitting and my Ravelympic project, I got some done but I am not even half finished with my project yet.
This post will be updated with pics this evening.
Let's start off with the tears...Princess Ivi and I had more heartfelt conversations and I think we both will work much harder to not take each other for granted. Nuff said 'bout that.
The money-saving shopping trip was great. Princess Ivi and I started at CVS where we saved $17.04 ($2 of which was because I bought Organix shampoo on sale for $4.99 and used a $2 coupon that came with my rebate that I got many moons ago) and earned $5 in Extra Care Bucks. Then we went over to Kmart and each of us got a new pillow (which were buy one, get one half off) and Princess Ivi got a new set of sheets that were $14.99 but we used the 25% off coupon that was in the sale flyer. We saved a total of $8.75. Then we went to Walmart and bought a replacement Ipod for Princess Ivi's birthday (to replace the Christmas Ipod since we learned that Ipods cannot swim in the toilet). We did not save any money at Walmart. Our last stop of the day was to Winn Dixie where we saved $85.07 (using $3.60 in coupons and the remainder in discounts). The total amount saved for the entire shopping trip was $110.87.
After we got home, Princess Ivi put her OCD to work and organized the freezer while I broke up the big packages of meat into smaller portions. Before putting everything back in the freezer, I made a list of what was in it for our meal planning. We have so much food in the freezer that we will have to "shop" from our freezer for at least three weeks. Yeah!!!!
Yummy food consisted of Butter Chicken on Saturday. All I can say about this is OMG!!! It was a big hit with mom and Princess Ivi too. (I love it when the reaction to my cooking is moans and groans and exclamations of "this is yummy".)
The Butter Chicken is great. The chicken was tender from cooking in the sauce (but next time I am going to flatten them a little), the sauce was creamy with a bit of a kick from the cayenne. Unfortunately, I didn't have any coriander or cilantro and I didn't marinate the chicken overnight. But it was still really yummy. When I put the marinade on, I just poked a bunch of holes in the chicken and smeared it all over each piece of chicken. I will definitely be making this again (and I will marinate the night before and I may even round up some coriander and cilantro).
Sunday morning Princess Ivi and I both woke up not feeling well. I had a headache and Princess Ivi had a sore mouth (actually half of her face) from a molar popping out. We skipped church. (Shame on us!!) After catching a little bit more sleep, I baked a Red Velvet Cake for Princess Ivi's birthday (although in the Better Homes and Gardens Cookbook it is called a "Red Waldorf Cake"). I had to use that recipe because I couldn't find the one I used last time I made it (which I think was for Princess Ivi's birthday). I need to hunt some more for the original recipe I made because it was much better than the BHG version.
While the cake cooled, I reorganized my room. Living with my mom makes it hard because I have about three rooms' worth of stuff shoved into one guest-size bedroom. I had to try to make it less cluttered and I think it worked. I still need to find (or make) a tall skinny bookcase and get get rid of the chair but I am pleased with it. While i was rearranging, I was also dusting which made a huge difference.
Princess Ivi went through her clothes and bagged up clothes that don't fit her anymore for donating.
For Sunday dinner and Princess Ivi's birthday dinner, I sauteed some onions, peppers (red, orange and yellow), garlic and shrimp in butter. I tossed the whole thing with a box of spaghetti and tossed in two handfuls of shredded Parmesan cheese. It was good. We all ate too much. Then we ate big slices of Tim Burton-ny birthday cake (red velvet cake with purple neon frosting and squiggly neon candles). It was nice.
Princess Ivi's 14th birthday is not until Wednesday but since it is the middle of the week, we decided to have her special dinner and cake last night. We will recognize her birthday on Wednesday and celebrate more on Saturday when we go to Tampa to see Breaking Benjamin, Flyleaf and Three Days Grace.
As for knitting and my Ravelympic project, I got some done but I am not even half finished with my project yet.
This post will be updated with pics this evening.
Wednesday, February 17, 2010
On Being a Mom
I stumbled across this sweet poem that made me think of Princess Ivi.
WHAT I WOULD TELL HER: (If I knew what to say.)
You are a miracle.
And I have to love you this fiercely: So that you can feel it even after you leave for school, or even while you are asleep, or even after your childhood becomes a memory.
You’ll forget all this when you grow up. But it’s okay.
Being a mother means having your heart broken.
And it means loving and losing and falling apart and coming back together.
And it’s the best there is. And also, sometimes, the worst.
Sometimes you won’t have anyone to talk to.
Sometimes you’ll wonder if you’ve forgotten who you are.
But you must remember this: What you’re doing matters.
And you have to be brave with your life so that others can be brave with theirs.
The truth is, being a woman is a gift. Tenderness is a gift. Intimacy is a gift. And nurturing the good in this world is a nothing short of a privilege.
That’s why I have to love you this way. So I can give what I have to you. So that you can carry it in your body and pass it on.
I have watched you sleep. I’ve kissed you a million times. And I know something that you don’t, yet:
You are writing the story of your only life every single minute of every day.
And my greatest hope for you, sweet child, is that I can teach you how to write a good one.
WHAT I WOULD TELL HER: (If I knew what to say.)
You are a miracle.
And I have to love you this fiercely: So that you can feel it even after you leave for school, or even while you are asleep, or even after your childhood becomes a memory.
You’ll forget all this when you grow up. But it’s okay.
Being a mother means having your heart broken.
And it means loving and losing and falling apart and coming back together.
And it’s the best there is. And also, sometimes, the worst.
Sometimes you won’t have anyone to talk to.
Sometimes you’ll wonder if you’ve forgotten who you are.
But you must remember this: What you’re doing matters.
And you have to be brave with your life so that others can be brave with theirs.
The truth is, being a woman is a gift. Tenderness is a gift. Intimacy is a gift. And nurturing the good in this world is a nothing short of a privilege.
That’s why I have to love you this way. So I can give what I have to you. So that you can carry it in your body and pass it on.
I have watched you sleep. I’ve kissed you a million times. And I know something that you don’t, yet:
You are writing the story of your only life every single minute of every day.
And my greatest hope for you, sweet child, is that I can teach you how to write a good one.
Tuesday, February 16, 2010
10 Places I Love to Knit
This was Carole's 10 on Tuesday idea, "10 Places I Love to Knit". The sad thing is that I can't think of anywhere I knit other than home or work. So my list consists of these 4 places.
1. In my chair in the living room.
2. At my sister's house.
3. At Stitch N Bitch.
4. At the office.
1. In my chair in the living room.
2. At my sister's house.
3. At Stitch N Bitch.
4. At the office.
Monday, February 15, 2010
Update
Princess Ivi came home on Friday and is doing pretty well. She has to have partial hospitalization on Monday (today), Wednesday and Friday to make sure that the pressures of being home and at school are okay and that she remembers the things she learned while at the facility (to relax, breathe, be safe). So far, it is going well.
Thanks for the well wishes.
Thanks for the well wishes.
Sunday, February 14, 2010
Why I love Valentine's Day
Valentine's Day used to be my least favorite holiday. Often, I was single on this holiday or if not single, I was in a relationship with someone who didn't appreciate me.
However, Valentine's Day is now one of my favorite days of the year. Not for the roses and chocolate or even the cute cards. It is one of my favorite days now because it is the anniversary of my life.
On Valentine's Day 2007, I was in a car accident. I was hit by a pick up truck with a snow plow. The plow came through my door and cut my leg in a 13 inch arch on my hip. I was taken to our local hospital where I received a CT and they discovered I had broken my left pelvis and my left 12th rib, lacerated my spleen and bruised my bladder. I was then transported to UMass Memorial in Worcester (which was a 23 mile trip). Once there, they proceeded to bring in an orthopedic surgeon who repaired my leg (which was essentially filleted). I wound up with 38 staples, a scar that resembles the seam where Barbie's leg is attached, scar tissue throughout my hip and thigh, a catheter for 6 weeks, bed rest for several days until my spleen stopped bleeding, and I had to teach my leg to work again since I severed the nerve which controls the stepping motion in three places.
I spent a week inpatient and then was sent home. (I was given the option of going to a nursing home since I had a catheter but since my daughter's birthday was in two days, I wanted to be home for her. Besides, they couldn't guarantee that the catheter would be able to come out even at the nursing home.)
This was a bad accident. I remember the sound of the crash and the sounds of them using the jaws of life to take off the driver's side door. I remember the feel of the door being removed from my leg since it had embedded itself into my leg. I distinctly remember when they pulled me out of the car all this big tough firemen and rescue guys looking at my leg and saying "Oh man" like it was something awful. I remember the nurses fighting for several hours to get my leg to stop bleeding. I remember them trying to get iv's into me and at one point, the table was inverted, my arms were draped over the sides and two phlebotomists were sitting under the table trying to find a vein.
I never lost consciousness even though the pull was there. Instead, I talked, mostly rambling nonsense about my daughter and when it looked like I was slipping away, the great EMTs pulled me back even when they were busy fighting for my life.
My guardian angel helped to keep me conscious as well. My Uncle Dave is my guardian angel. When Dave was 18 years old, he was in a motorcycle accident where he broke his spine and his arm. He remained conscious even when his body was bent backwards around a telephone poll. When the darkness began to beckon to me that Valentine's Day, I heard Dave's voice saying "If I could stay awake, then so can you" and I felt his presence with me.
When I broke my pelvis, I lost the ability to donate bone marrow (should the need ever arise). The question remains unanswered whether I will ever be able to carry a child in my womb again. I now need to wear a lift in my left shoe to make up for the fact that my left leg is shorter than the right. My pelvic bone is much larger on the left side since the bone healed bigger. My pelvic bone and hip joint give me a lot of pain and probably always will.
I have lost a lot because of my accident and there are a lot of changes that happened because of my accident. However, I have gained much from my accident as well.
I have gained the knowledge that no job is ever so important that you need to leave your house in a blizzard to get to. I learned that my sister is one of the greatest people in the world. I learned that nothing in life should be put off for tomorrow when your tomorrows are numbered.
Most importantly, I have gained another chance. Another chance to see my daughter grow into the amazing woman, I know she will be. Another chance to help her shop for prom dresses, wedding dresses, maternity clothes. Another chance to watch her walk across the stage at her high school and college graduations and a chance to see her walk down the aisle. Another chance to see her find her calling and follow it. Another chance to be her mother. For that, I am so thankful.
Happy Valentine's Day!!!
However, Valentine's Day is now one of my favorite days of the year. Not for the roses and chocolate or even the cute cards. It is one of my favorite days now because it is the anniversary of my life.
On Valentine's Day 2007, I was in a car accident. I was hit by a pick up truck with a snow plow. The plow came through my door and cut my leg in a 13 inch arch on my hip. I was taken to our local hospital where I received a CT and they discovered I had broken my left pelvis and my left 12th rib, lacerated my spleen and bruised my bladder. I was then transported to UMass Memorial in Worcester (which was a 23 mile trip). Once there, they proceeded to bring in an orthopedic surgeon who repaired my leg (which was essentially filleted). I wound up with 38 staples, a scar that resembles the seam where Barbie's leg is attached, scar tissue throughout my hip and thigh, a catheter for 6 weeks, bed rest for several days until my spleen stopped bleeding, and I had to teach my leg to work again since I severed the nerve which controls the stepping motion in three places.
I spent a week inpatient and then was sent home. (I was given the option of going to a nursing home since I had a catheter but since my daughter's birthday was in two days, I wanted to be home for her. Besides, they couldn't guarantee that the catheter would be able to come out even at the nursing home.)
This was a bad accident. I remember the sound of the crash and the sounds of them using the jaws of life to take off the driver's side door. I remember the feel of the door being removed from my leg since it had embedded itself into my leg. I distinctly remember when they pulled me out of the car all this big tough firemen and rescue guys looking at my leg and saying "Oh man" like it was something awful. I remember the nurses fighting for several hours to get my leg to stop bleeding. I remember them trying to get iv's into me and at one point, the table was inverted, my arms were draped over the sides and two phlebotomists were sitting under the table trying to find a vein.
I never lost consciousness even though the pull was there. Instead, I talked, mostly rambling nonsense about my daughter and when it looked like I was slipping away, the great EMTs pulled me back even when they were busy fighting for my life.
My guardian angel helped to keep me conscious as well. My Uncle Dave is my guardian angel. When Dave was 18 years old, he was in a motorcycle accident where he broke his spine and his arm. He remained conscious even when his body was bent backwards around a telephone poll. When the darkness began to beckon to me that Valentine's Day, I heard Dave's voice saying "If I could stay awake, then so can you" and I felt his presence with me.
When I broke my pelvis, I lost the ability to donate bone marrow (should the need ever arise). The question remains unanswered whether I will ever be able to carry a child in my womb again. I now need to wear a lift in my left shoe to make up for the fact that my left leg is shorter than the right. My pelvic bone is much larger on the left side since the bone healed bigger. My pelvic bone and hip joint give me a lot of pain and probably always will.
I have lost a lot because of my accident and there are a lot of changes that happened because of my accident. However, I have gained much from my accident as well.
I have gained the knowledge that no job is ever so important that you need to leave your house in a blizzard to get to. I learned that my sister is one of the greatest people in the world. I learned that nothing in life should be put off for tomorrow when your tomorrows are numbered.
Most importantly, I have gained another chance. Another chance to see my daughter grow into the amazing woman, I know she will be. Another chance to help her shop for prom dresses, wedding dresses, maternity clothes. Another chance to watch her walk across the stage at her high school and college graduations and a chance to see her walk down the aisle. Another chance to see her find her calling and follow it. Another chance to be her mother. For that, I am so thankful.
Happy Valentine's Day!!!
Friday, February 12, 2010
Rough Week
This has been the week from hell. Let me elaborate....
As you know, Princess Ivi is 13. She will be 14 in 12 days. She has been struggling with anxiety, depression, anger, sadness, all of it for a while now. It all really began this past summer. Before that, she was happy, social, sweet, never got in trouble, a good friend. Since she has been dealing with all these new emotions, she has become antisocial, mean, angry, rebellious, and gets into trouble. Things really came to a head this week.
Monday my daughter's principal called to tell me that Princess Ivi and her boyfriend had gotten into trouble within days of the last time for public displays of affection. (I believe that they were being excessive since they had this past weekend in front of me and I had to talk to them about it and they still continued to hang all over each other.) The principal had ordered them to have different lunches and that they weren't allowed to spend their free period together. I said that I would talk to Princess Ivi about then when I got home. Of course when I got home, I talked to her but her response, after saying they weren't doing anything, was to shrug her shoulders or stare off into space. As punishment for this referral to the office, she lost her phone and computer privileges for the rest of the week.
On Tuesday, I received call from the dean to tell me that Princess Ivi was suspended from school for three days because she disregarded the Principal's orders and had lunch and her free period with her boyfriend anyway.
When I got home from work, I woke Princess Ivi up (her plan was to avoid the talk by taking a nap). Again, I was met with a lot of shoulder shrugs. It ended up that all night long, she refused to speak to anyone. (I did tell her that she couldn't have a boyfriend because she wasn't mature enough to handle it.)
On Monday and Tuesday, both discussions centered around the fact that her behaviour would create a reputation that she wouldn't be able to get out from under and that she needed to participate more in our family. It also included that she needed to not take me for granted and only want anything to do with me or be nice to me only when she wanted something.
On Wednesday, after kissing her goodbye and making sure she took her medicine, I left for the day. I was taking half a day off of work so I figured by the time I got home at noon, I would have worked out the rest of her punishment for getting suspended.
I made it halfway to work before Princess Ivi's boyfriend's mom called to tell me that he had run away from home. I turned around and went home to talk to Princess Ivi. After getting home and searching her cell phone, I found numerous texts to friends that she was going to run away on MONDAY and meet the boy and they were going to run away together. I confronted her about all these and I have to admit that I probably didn't handle it very well because I was so scared. I know I yelled. Especially when her response was either a shoulder shrug or telling me that she "didn't know" why she said or did things.
There were also texts to her friends saying that she as going to kill herself so after talking to her psychiatrist, we agreed to take her into the mental health facility. She agreed to stay for a few days. I have a family meeting in 45 minutes and I am hoping they tell her she can go home soon.
We (doctors, therapists, me) believe that Destiny's core issue is that because of her father's abandonment of her 12 and a half years ago, she has issues. She has anger, sadness, no self-worth, etc. Because of this she has no coping methods that are healthy. The plan is to teach her those coping methods so she doesn't turn to doing anything to herself to cope.
For the past several weeks now, as Princess Ivi closed herself off from me more and more, I have had to deal with crazy emotions. The main one being guilt. Guilt that I made my daughter's life so difficult and made the wrong decisions for her. Sadness that she is feeling so out of control. Hurt that she was distancing herself from me. For a while, I let those emotions get control of me. I let them make me feel horrible about myself as a parent and as a person. I felt scared and alone and I was wishing that I had someone to lean on to help me through this difficult time.
Lying in my bed Wednesday night, knowing that Princess Ivi wasn't in her own bed, I started to feel guilty, lost, hopeless. But then I heard a voice in my heart say "I gave her to you to take care of and by protecting her, even from herself, you are doing the job I gave you."
Recognizing that to protect her from herself, I had to put her in the care of someone else was hard but knowing that she was safe and hopefully learning useful things to help her deal with this situation that exists made me feel hope for the first time in a long time. This situation exists. I can't make it disappear. All I can do is protect her as much as I can and help her to learn how to deal with how she feels in a healthy way.
And I can lean on my faith that she will be okay because there is a plan for her life. She was put on this earth for a purpose and she hasn't fulfilled it yet. I will continue praying that He lightens her heart, helps her through her pain and reminds her that she has a purpose to fulfill.
And I can remember that I am not alone in my love for her. Someone loves her even more than I do and as her parent, I am never alone in her raising her.
As you know, Princess Ivi is 13. She will be 14 in 12 days. She has been struggling with anxiety, depression, anger, sadness, all of it for a while now. It all really began this past summer. Before that, she was happy, social, sweet, never got in trouble, a good friend. Since she has been dealing with all these new emotions, she has become antisocial, mean, angry, rebellious, and gets into trouble. Things really came to a head this week.
Monday my daughter's principal called to tell me that Princess Ivi and her boyfriend had gotten into trouble within days of the last time for public displays of affection. (I believe that they were being excessive since they had this past weekend in front of me and I had to talk to them about it and they still continued to hang all over each other.) The principal had ordered them to have different lunches and that they weren't allowed to spend their free period together. I said that I would talk to Princess Ivi about then when I got home. Of course when I got home, I talked to her but her response, after saying they weren't doing anything, was to shrug her shoulders or stare off into space. As punishment for this referral to the office, she lost her phone and computer privileges for the rest of the week.
On Tuesday, I received call from the dean to tell me that Princess Ivi was suspended from school for three days because she disregarded the Principal's orders and had lunch and her free period with her boyfriend anyway.
When I got home from work, I woke Princess Ivi up (her plan was to avoid the talk by taking a nap). Again, I was met with a lot of shoulder shrugs. It ended up that all night long, she refused to speak to anyone. (I did tell her that she couldn't have a boyfriend because she wasn't mature enough to handle it.)
On Monday and Tuesday, both discussions centered around the fact that her behaviour would create a reputation that she wouldn't be able to get out from under and that she needed to participate more in our family. It also included that she needed to not take me for granted and only want anything to do with me or be nice to me only when she wanted something.
On Wednesday, after kissing her goodbye and making sure she took her medicine, I left for the day. I was taking half a day off of work so I figured by the time I got home at noon, I would have worked out the rest of her punishment for getting suspended.
I made it halfway to work before Princess Ivi's boyfriend's mom called to tell me that he had run away from home. I turned around and went home to talk to Princess Ivi. After getting home and searching her cell phone, I found numerous texts to friends that she was going to run away on MONDAY and meet the boy and they were going to run away together. I confronted her about all these and I have to admit that I probably didn't handle it very well because I was so scared. I know I yelled. Especially when her response was either a shoulder shrug or telling me that she "didn't know" why she said or did things.
There were also texts to her friends saying that she as going to kill herself so after talking to her psychiatrist, we agreed to take her into the mental health facility. She agreed to stay for a few days. I have a family meeting in 45 minutes and I am hoping they tell her she can go home soon.
We (doctors, therapists, me) believe that Destiny's core issue is that because of her father's abandonment of her 12 and a half years ago, she has issues. She has anger, sadness, no self-worth, etc. Because of this she has no coping methods that are healthy. The plan is to teach her those coping methods so she doesn't turn to doing anything to herself to cope.
For the past several weeks now, as Princess Ivi closed herself off from me more and more, I have had to deal with crazy emotions. The main one being guilt. Guilt that I made my daughter's life so difficult and made the wrong decisions for her. Sadness that she is feeling so out of control. Hurt that she was distancing herself from me. For a while, I let those emotions get control of me. I let them make me feel horrible about myself as a parent and as a person. I felt scared and alone and I was wishing that I had someone to lean on to help me through this difficult time.
Lying in my bed Wednesday night, knowing that Princess Ivi wasn't in her own bed, I started to feel guilty, lost, hopeless. But then I heard a voice in my heart say "I gave her to you to take care of and by protecting her, even from herself, you are doing the job I gave you."
Recognizing that to protect her from herself, I had to put her in the care of someone else was hard but knowing that she was safe and hopefully learning useful things to help her deal with this situation that exists made me feel hope for the first time in a long time. This situation exists. I can't make it disappear. All I can do is protect her as much as I can and help her to learn how to deal with how she feels in a healthy way.
And I can lean on my faith that she will be okay because there is a plan for her life. She was put on this earth for a purpose and she hasn't fulfilled it yet. I will continue praying that He lightens her heart, helps her through her pain and reminds her that she has a purpose to fulfill.
And I can remember that I am not alone in my love for her. Someone loves her even more than I do and as her parent, I am never alone in her raising her.
Tuesday, February 9, 2010
New Blogs to Watch...Er, Read
I just stumbled across some new blogs to watch. Check them out.
Simple Bites
Simple Organic
Simple Kids
Simple Homeschool (I don't homeschool but if this blog is written as well as the others, I am sure it will be great).
and of course,
Simple Mom
These blogs are all a part of Simple Living Media, LLC. Here is some more info about Simple Living Media (taken from their website).
The Simple Living Media Mission: To help people live more simply.
What We Believe:
• People and families can live on and with far less than mainstream cultural norms lead us to believe.
• Debt is not a tool, and instead puts people into needless bondage. Therefore, we believe that everyone should live within or below their means.
• Life is not about consumption, and we can make a difference by wise stewardship of our resources, time, energy, money, and environment.
• We value quality over quantity in all facets of life, from tangible items, to relationships, to aesthetics.
• People are more important than things.
Our Goal
To encourage and equip people with what they need to simply their lives.
Pretty cool, huh?
Simple Bites
Simple Organic
Simple Kids
Simple Homeschool (I don't homeschool but if this blog is written as well as the others, I am sure it will be great).
and of course,
Simple Mom
These blogs are all a part of Simple Living Media, LLC. Here is some more info about Simple Living Media (taken from their website).
The Simple Living Media Mission: To help people live more simply.
What We Believe:
• People and families can live on and with far less than mainstream cultural norms lead us to believe.
• Debt is not a tool, and instead puts people into needless bondage. Therefore, we believe that everyone should live within or below their means.
• Life is not about consumption, and we can make a difference by wise stewardship of our resources, time, energy, money, and environment.
• We value quality over quantity in all facets of life, from tangible items, to relationships, to aesthetics.
• People are more important than things.
Our Goal
To encourage and equip people with what they need to simply their lives.
Pretty cool, huh?
Monday, February 8, 2010
I Knew It Was Too Good To Last
My facebook status this morning said that I was feeling surprisingly good for a Monday and that I was going to take advantage of that feeling while I could because I know it won't last.
I was right.
This morning Princess Ivi's doctor called to talk about her MRI results. She had an MRI done last Monday for some right shoulder pain she has been having since a soccer injury in 2008. Her MRI looks good and her shoulder is physically okay. The interesting thing is that she had x-rays done too and those show that her first right rib has an old non-healing break. The doctor who read the report and Princess Ivi's doctor both think this injury probably occurred when she was born and scrunching her shoulders to go through the birth canal. The doctor suspects that since her bones were more flexible then and the nerve endings hadn't fully formed that she didn't experience any pain until now since she is older and uses her arm more. Unfortunately, since it is a rib fracture, there is not much we can do for the pain except ice and ibuprofen and time. We go back for new x-rays in two to three months and if it hasn't healed then we will go to the orthopedist to see if there is some underlying problem with the bones and to see what they suggest we do.
I went out at lunch to mail swap packages. The trip was great considering there were no lines at the post office (for a change of pace). I then popped in to Hank's Yarn and Fiber to pick up a surprise for another swap I am doing. I then returned to my office and was cruising along through my day until I got a telephone call from the principal at Princess Ivi's school.
It seems that Princess Ivi has had two referrals within days of each other for inappropriate displays of affection at school (with her boyfriend). Of course, I am very frustrated because I had the same discussion with her on Saturday when we went (with her boyfriend) to the Renaissance Festival. Grrrr!!!! The principal has moved her lunch to limit the time they have together but it is very frustrating. It is like talking to wall sometimes.
And of course, I get to decide on the appropriate punishment for this which will make me the bad mother in her eyes.
I miss the days when she disliked boys and thought they were gross. I want them back. I won't get them back though so I have to figure out how to get through to her.
HELP!!!
I was right.
This morning Princess Ivi's doctor called to talk about her MRI results. She had an MRI done last Monday for some right shoulder pain she has been having since a soccer injury in 2008. Her MRI looks good and her shoulder is physically okay. The interesting thing is that she had x-rays done too and those show that her first right rib has an old non-healing break. The doctor who read the report and Princess Ivi's doctor both think this injury probably occurred when she was born and scrunching her shoulders to go through the birth canal. The doctor suspects that since her bones were more flexible then and the nerve endings hadn't fully formed that she didn't experience any pain until now since she is older and uses her arm more. Unfortunately, since it is a rib fracture, there is not much we can do for the pain except ice and ibuprofen and time. We go back for new x-rays in two to three months and if it hasn't healed then we will go to the orthopedist to see if there is some underlying problem with the bones and to see what they suggest we do.
I went out at lunch to mail swap packages. The trip was great considering there were no lines at the post office (for a change of pace). I then popped in to Hank's Yarn and Fiber to pick up a surprise for another swap I am doing. I then returned to my office and was cruising along through my day until I got a telephone call from the principal at Princess Ivi's school.
It seems that Princess Ivi has had two referrals within days of each other for inappropriate displays of affection at school (with her boyfriend). Of course, I am very frustrated because I had the same discussion with her on Saturday when we went (with her boyfriend) to the Renaissance Festival. Grrrr!!!! The principal has moved her lunch to limit the time they have together but it is very frustrating. It is like talking to wall sometimes.
And of course, I get to decide on the appropriate punishment for this which will make me the bad mother in her eyes.
I miss the days when she disliked boys and thought they were gross. I want them back. I won't get them back though so I have to figure out how to get through to her.
HELP!!!
Tuesday, February 2, 2010
10 Household Tasks You've Been Avoiding
This is an easy one....
1. Caulking the tub.
2. Cleaning out my closet.
3. Dusting under my bed.
4. Replacing the bathroom door handle which has been broken since before Thanksgiving.
5. Repairing the towel bar in the bathroom that Princess Ivi and I broke while wrestling for the hand towel.
6. Sorting through cookbooks to decide what I am keeping and what I am getting rid of.
7. Filing torn out/printed recipes.
8. Filing knitting patterns into their appropriate binders.
9. Organizing photos and putting them in albums (over 10 years worth).
10. Reorganizing bedroom furniture to make more space.
I could probably go on and on but then it wouldn't be 10 things. Thanks Carole for the idea.
1. Caulking the tub.
2. Cleaning out my closet.
3. Dusting under my bed.
4. Replacing the bathroom door handle which has been broken since before Thanksgiving.
5. Repairing the towel bar in the bathroom that Princess Ivi and I broke while wrestling for the hand towel.
6. Sorting through cookbooks to decide what I am keeping and what I am getting rid of.
7. Filing torn out/printed recipes.
8. Filing knitting patterns into their appropriate binders.
9. Organizing photos and putting them in albums (over 10 years worth).
10. Reorganizing bedroom furniture to make more space.
I could probably go on and on but then it wouldn't be 10 things. Thanks Carole for the idea.
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